Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
