i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
