oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
