It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
