I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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