I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Too much gin, very little bucket
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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