Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Everything about him screamed your future.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
