maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.