I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night