I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
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I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho