Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
