...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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