Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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