I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
