so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
