I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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