White coat. Heels.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
