based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize