garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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