I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
