she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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