It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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