Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
