ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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