He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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