He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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