Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
