just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
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I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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