the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
