Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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