If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
