Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
