i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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