i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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