I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
