I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
