that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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