I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
