the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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