East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
