I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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