If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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