I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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