hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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