So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
