Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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