cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
