I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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