He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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