i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
