escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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