I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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