you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
