I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
