He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
