so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
