There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize