I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
