He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
